These Advice shared by A Father That Helped Me as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the truth soon became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You aren't in a healthy space. You need assistance. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to communicate among men, who still hold onto harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a show of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a pause - going on a couple of days away, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a friend, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the body - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."